doing it anyway

I launched a new company last night (BOOMCRUSH) and, as such, chatted on twitter much later than I usually do. I was asked if I worry about stretching myself too thin, and I do. All the time.

I worry every single day of my life. I do things, take things on, get things done, and then the worry sets it. For example, I agreed to go on a nine city, twelve day speaking tour – without Steve. Did you get that second part – without Steve. That’s like walking a tightrope strung 100 feet off the ground, with no net. At least it is for me.

Steve is my comfort, my constant, my biggest fan and harshest critic. He is the one person who will support all I do, but point out where I can do better. He is honest, he knows my odd habits and he takes care of me always.

And yet I agreed to go away for 12 days (9 cities) and speak to photographers without him. Am I an idiot? Why would I do such a thing?

Simple. It scares the shit out of me. I literally get butterflies, and not the good kind, every time I think about it. It is still weeks away and yet every day I get a little bit nervous. I want this – I want to speak to people, I thrive on teaching and facilitating. It’s part of who I am and what I feel compelled to do. And it scares me.

That’s good. If I’m scared, this is something I need to do.

You know what else scares me or makes me nervous? Almost everything new. Starting the WHAT IF conference scared me every day. It still scares me because the next one is coming up and I want/need more registrations. In my head I know they’ll come, but my gut doesn’t always believe my head.

Having a 12 year old boy scares me. He is texting with his friends, watching YouTube, playing video games, trying out for provincials in lacrosse and walking home from school alone. The fact that he is growing up worries me – not in a “I hope something doesn’t happen to him” kind of way, but more in a “I hope we are helping him grow into a good man, a good influence in the world. I hope he will see his potential and reach for it. I hope he finds his bliss and follows it to happiness. I hope he finds love and joy in his life. I hope I live to see his every dream come true.”

I am equally afraid for his younger brother, almost ten.

Fear is good. The nerves let you know you are taking a chance, you are alive in the moment. It would be so, so easy to sit in comfort, never growing into my potential. It would be so easy to just let life happen around me, to work in a regular job with a regular pay cheque, to live an anonymous life, unnoticed.

Easy is never the right choice. Not for me. Not for you.

So yeah, I worry about taking too much on – I hear all the time “You guys are so busy”. We are, that’s true. But it’s also how we live, how we thrive and how we grow. Busy is good. Overwhelming is not. I’m not there yet.

You want something? Go get it. Be scared…

…do it anyway.